The Benefits of Forgiveness

1. Think of a person who has wronged you and who you have not been able or willing to forgive. 2. Describe the experience or experiences in which this "offender" caused you to be harmed or unjustly treated. 3. Describe the emotions you feel as you consider these events. Are you feeling anger? Shame? Guilt? Are you obsessed with what happened? Take as much time as you need to acknowledge these feelings and put them into words. 4. How has being unable to forgive affected you? Have the emotions you have felt affected your health? Have they altered your relationships with others? Your worldview? What sorts of defense mechanisms have you created? Do these limit you in any way? 5. What benefits might forgiving have for you? # Forgiveness is not forgetting. In fact, one must acknowledge negative emotions and events before forgiveness can occur. # Forgiveness is not pardoning, excusing, or stating that an offense will be treated as acceptable behavior in the future. # Forgiveness is, first and foremost, an internal process. It is primarily for you. # The term pseudo-forgiveness has been used to describe forgiveness that occurs with ulterior motives, such as wanting to aggravate or prove the offender's wrongdoings. This approach is not likely to have healing benefits. # Forgiveness is a path to freedom. It frees one from the control of the 'offender.' # Forgiveness can break patterns that would otherwise interfere with future relationships. # Forgiveness can take time and hard work. # Forgiveness need not require reconciliation. While more research is needed to formally evaluate the health benefits of forgiveness, a number of small studies have shown a number of potential health benefits conferred by forgiveness: * Decreased anger and negative thoughts * Decreased anxiety * Decreased depression and grief * Decreased vulnerability to substance use