Women In African Proverbs

Proverbs are infinitely more numerous than myths. We find them by the hundreds and thousands in every African people (tribe). They address themselves to many themes and areas of life and knowledge. They are very concentrated in the sense that they put a lot of thoughts, ideas, reflections, experiences, observations, knowledge and even world views, into a few words. We shall here quote only a few proverbs and try to capture what they intend to put in a few words. a) Women are extremely valuable in the sight of society. Not only do they bear life, but they nurse, they cherish, they give warmth, they care for life since all human life passes through their own bodies. The following proverbs bring these points out clearly. "Wives and oxen have no friends" (9). This indicates that a wife is so valuable that she cannot be given over to even the best friends of her husband. For that reason, another proverb reminds us that: "A woman must not be killed" (10). She is the mother of life, and to kill the woman is to kill children, to kill humanity itself. The woman should be handled with respect and not be treated as if she were a slave. So another proverb asks the husband: "Did you buy me with elephant tusks?" (11), if the husband is ill-treating her. She reminds him that he really cannot buy her, she is not a commodity for sale like elephant tusks or slaves. Even an aged woman is a blessing to men. So another proverb says: "It is better to be married to an old lady than to remain unmarried" (12). There are areas of human life which only the woman can fulfil. The unmarried man is lacking something, as one proverb explains: "It is at five that man succeeds" (13). The Maasai who use this proverb explain that a successful life needs "a wife, a cow, a sheep, a goat, and a donkey". This would mean, that even if one is rich, one is not successful as long as one lacks a wife. The value of the woman begins already when she is born and not when she gets married. So it is stated: "A baby girl means beautiful cows" (14). Already at birth the woman is destined to be married. In traditional African society this entails a bride-exchange in form of cattle, services, foodstuffs, family ties, or other expressions of the marriage contract. Furthermore, the woman will bear children and thus enrich her husband and the wider circle of relatives from both sides. So the Tsonga and Shangana people of South Africa (Azania) say: "To beget a woman is to beget a man" (15). This saying carries with it the hope and expectation, that after marriage, the wife will bear both girls and boys. b) The woman who is not married has practically no role in society, in African traditional world-view. It is expected that all women get married. So a proverb states: "an ugly girl does not become old at home" (16), which means that the looks of a girl should not stop her from getting married. Otherwise this would deny her the role of womanhood. This thought is bound up with the value of bearing children. The childless woman goes through deep sorrows in African society. So it is said, for example: "The woman who has children does not desert her home" (17). This means that bearing children gives the woman the security and joy of a family, of being taken care of in her old age, of being respected by the husband and the wider society. So "the woman whose sons have died is richer than a barren woman" (18), is intended to say that people will excuse a woman for losing her children through death, but the one who does not bear is hardly 'excused'. Consequently people say: "A barren wire never gives thanks" (19) - nothing else is as valuable as children. If a woman has everything else, except children, she would have no cause or joy to give thanks. The sentiment is expressed in African societies, that the more children one has the better. So the Ghanaians say: "A serviceable wife is often blessed with the birth of a tenth child" (20). Parental blessings often run along the lines of: "May you bear children like bees! May you bear children like calabash seeds!" Today's economic and educational pressure will force a change in these sentiments, where parents reel the need to reduce the number of children they can support and educate adequately. Nevertheless, African society is carried away by the proverb which says: "The satiety of a pregnant woman is off-spring" (21). This means that motherhood is a woman's fulfillment. c) The mother or wife is probably the most important member of the family, the centre of familyhood. So it is said by the Akamba of Kenya for example: "he who has not traveled thinks that his mother is the best cook in the world." This proverb, while attacking a narrow horizon in life, shows how central the person of the mother is. This sentiment is aired in another proverb from the Gikuyu of Kenya: "The baby that refuses its mother's breast, will never be full" (22). Other people may feed the baby or the person, but their food would never satisfy as well as that provided by the mother. The place of the mother is further indicated by comparing her with other women or wives, whether she is alive or dead. The Swahili of East Africa say categorically: "The step mother is not a real mother" (23). This sentiment is shared by other peoples and is expressed in various ways. For example: "Somebody else's mother, however good to you she may be, she can never be better than your own mother", or "Your step mother is not your mother", or "A sheep does not lament the death of a goat's kid" (24), all from the Acholi of Uganda. Their neighbours the Lugbara put it this way: "There are no two mothers", or "There is not another mother" (25). From southern Africa we hear: "The mother's breast cannot get leprosy" (26). All these and many other proverbs are indications that the mother's role cannot be one hundred percent duplicated: she provides (or should provide) the best love and tenderness, warmth, care, bodily and emotional nourishment, and much more. All this begins already, when the person is inside the mother's womb and lasts (or should last) until the mother has died or indeed, it continues when she dies and becomes a spirit, a living dead. It also means that the love, the care and tenderness should be reciprocated by everyone towards his or her own mother, since everyone has a mother. So we hear proverbs like: "A chi]d does not laugh at the ugliness of his mother" (27), from the Lugbara of Uganda; or "The mother of the big he-goat has no horns" (28), from the Akamba of Kenya. This last proverb indicates that all the "big" men (like artists, generals, presidents, bishops, doctors, professors, inventors, singers, scientists and so one) are each born of a woman, of a mother who may not herself be regarded as a "big" person in society. She may not "have horns", but she gives birth to a "big" person in society. d) Women are human beings and as such they also have their weaknesses. African society knows those weaknesses and speaks about them. One of them is jealously, especially when several wives live in a polygamous family. Three proverbs from the Lugbara of Uganda illustrate this weakness: "The tongue of co-wives is bitter", "The tongue of co-wives is pointed" (which means that the co-wives can sting each other with their talking), and "A co-wife is the owner of jealousy" (29). Such domestic problems can affect the husband who has the task of pleasing each wife. So a Uhanajan proverb says: "Polygamy makes a husband a double-tongued man" (30). The husband's role is not easy if the co-wives do not get on well with each other. He may be seen to favour one more than the others. In this case he could be rebuked with a proverb like: "This polygamist ploughs one field only" (31). This could indicate that in fact the husband provokes the co-wives to show jealousy, when they realise that he favours one more than the others. The fact that jealousy may arise in polygamous families is not basis enough to condemn polygamy as such. There are many happy polygamous families just as there are even more unhappy monogamous families. Indeed, there are proverbs that show and urge respect for polygamous families. For example: "Uncriticised, are you the senior wife?" (32), used by the Lugbara, to remind people that the senior wife is the focus of highest respect in the family, but she too is not perfect and if need be can also be criticised. In any case she has more respect by being a co-wife than she would have if she were the only wife (in a monogamous family). It is said in Kenya: "Axes carried in the same bag cannot avoid rattling", to mean among other things, that it is not so terrible if co-wives "rattle" with each other. Indeed, a proverb from the Tsonga of southern Africa can be applied to support the "value" or "necessity" of co-wives: "A pole is strengthened by another pole" (33). If women in African society would have found polygamy to be unbearable, the custom would have long ago. One proverb reminds us that in such families there are mutual support and love and care: "The way to overcome cold is to warm each other" (34). e) There are also prejudices shown to women in African societies. It is amazing, that similar prejudices are found in other societies of the world. I give here some examples of proverbs of prejudice or judgement towards women. Among the Tsonga-Shangana people of southern Africa, some women earn the remark: "This woman is fire", or "This woman is a deceitful and ferocious crocodile" (35). Even the beauty of women may earn them remarks like: "Do not desire a woman with beautiful breast, if you have no money!" (36), to mean that beautiful women are expensive to win and maintain. The Gikuyu in Kenya say: "Women, like the weather, are unpredictable", and "Women have no secure gourds, but only leaking upside down ones" (37). The second of these means that "women are given to letting out secrets. You can't trust women with secrets". In a beautiful expression the same point is made using the proverb: "Woman, remember that the mouth is sometimes covered with a branch" (38), to mean that she cannot keep a secret. It is thought that women ruin men. So the Maasai remind us: "The prostitute can make you useless" (39), of course without saying what men do to women! The Maasai also accuse the women of being short-sighted by saying that: "A woman cannot see her palm" (40). In Uganda the Acholi complain that: "Women have no chiefs" (41), to mean that "women cannot allow another woman to be superior. In another sense, a chief is not a chief to his own wife or wives, or even to other women". Naturally, when the men occupy so many of the superior positions in society, what more is left for women? The woman is often blamed for disputes in a marriage. So there are proverbs in Tanzania for example, which say: "A lazy wife does not miss going to her parents frequently", or "The good wife at her husband's home, the other one is at her parents' home" (42). But what happens to lazy men, or do they not exist? Women are also accused of domineering their husbands (whatever the realities may actually be): "No man is a hero to his wife" (43). Men complain that they cannot understand women. So the Ghanaians say: "When women increase in wealth, they are silent. But when they fall into trouble, the whole world gets to know." In another saying we hear that: "In a town where there are no men, even women praise a hunch back for being the fastest runner" (44) There are men (and women) who fear women, considering them to be dangerous. So we hear proverbs like: "To marry is to put a snake in one's handbag", and even to take up contact with women is an evasive undertaking: "One does not follow the footprints in the water" (45), which means that "following a woman is like footprints in water", because "the way soon vanishes". It is even claimed that words of women have no legal value, they are not reliable: "Women have no court" (46). They even ruin men: "Marriage roasts (hardens)" (47), is said to mean that a man's heart hardens after marriage, because of his wife. Even beautiful women get a share of prejudice: "Beautiful from behind, ugly in front" (48), a proverb which warns that a person may look attractive or say nice words at first, but after marriage turns out to be really ugly. f) In spite of these and other prejudices, there are many beautiful things said about women. Some of these we have already encountered. Men will fight over women - to show how much they value the women concerned. So in Ghana we hear that: "Two bosom friends that vie one and the same lady have chosen a common read to be each other's enemy" (49). Compared to a man, the woman is more precious: "The woman is a banana tree (which multiplies itself); the man however, is a cornstalk (which stands alone)" (50). It is also from Ghana where we have the beautiful comparison and mutual complement between the wife and the husband: "Woman is a flower in a garden; her husband, the fence around it" (51). So the women need all the protection that men can give them. For this reason the Lugbara say: "The man dies in the wind, the woman in the house" (52). The woman and the man belong together, can and do love each other, they need each other. In Lugbara proverb we are told: "The woman is the rib of man" (53), a statement which is parallel to the Biblical creation story in Genesis 2, 21-22. The Akamba warn against the danger of remaining unmarried: "He who eats alone, dies alone" -- he leaves neither wife nor posterity to remember him in the world of the living.